This kind of sadness penetrates even the best of fakes.
I’m a victim of her wishes and fancies. Can’t hide it. She hates conversation – preventing me from exchanging words of solace with friends ready to comfort. She deceives with cold eyes, devoid of warmth or colour. Uninviting arms not welcome to human touch. Sorry, we’re closed today – moved to other premises. Thank you for your custom over the years, but it wasn’t sustainable. Heart’s gone cold now. Blood not pumping – I’m frozen.
Wish I could break her. Not strong enough. Wish I could make her see the irrationality behind her comings and goings. Too weak. Why does she hold me so close to her, why can’t I let go? Too scared.
Smiles are forbidden and laughter is treason. Silence is promoted and loneliness is practiced to the upmost detail. She’s offering courses on how to prevent unforeseen bouts of happiness. You know, that terrible disease, scrouge of the Earth, foresaking one and all. Her rules are set and her punishments wicked. No point giving up now, I might as well stick it
out. Until all that she robbed me of is paid back. in full. Give me back that which you stole, that hug, kiss on the cheek goodbye. That chance of deepening a friendship now yesterday’s funeral. Don’t you dare do this again, I don’t like you and don’t want you here. You’re not needed anymore, go away. I’m living my life and I’m not gonna let you